Comfort Zone

I should have been filling you in on what has been happening quiet sooner I know, I’ve been so caught up. And quiet honestly sometimes it’s better to talk about something than to write it down. So lately I’ve been talking about what I’ve been going through more than I have been reflecting about it on paper, which may be a bit odd for me because I’ve always been the one who prefers it to be the other way around.

The well anticipated last day of psychosocial block has come and pass, it was this past Tuesday 15/10/2013 J same day as my final treatment demonstration. So has my finals presentation on my last client which took place the week before that on the 08/10/2013. I look at my timetable and reflect on the time that has gone by, I can’t believe two months have passed so quickly; that first day which filled my tummy up with butterflies is gone, those stressful nights of blocked creativity trying to think of the best activity for your clients are gone, the constant texting to your mates asking for help and reassurance coz you just not feeling good about yourself, the days of excitement for wanting to go to prac because you’re anticipating a good day and that “please let me stay in this Tuesday I really don’t want to go” days are gone. I’ll admit, some days I wish it would end and other days I wished the days were longer. Others days were long and tiresome while others were days of laughter and instillation of good memories. Now all of that and more is over! Well at least for now. For me North Bay Lodge is a bittersweet experience that I’m definitely taking along with me.

The 15 of October was the day we were all looking forward too. Others are glad it’s over, others just made it through, and others are wishing for a second chance, others are wishing for more time; while I’m just here wishing for a better chance. I’m also happy that I was able to make it through my psychosocial block, don’t get me wrong. I just wish I had done it with a better state of mind. Better state of mind for me is more positive, more confidence and for me to be in a better position of trusting myself and my potential, because this could never be so true for me “you never know what can happen until you DO” Maya Angelou. Do it and fail at least, and regret that, rather than not doing at all. And I feel that’s where I let myself down. I did just about everything right during my psychosocial prac, nothing less and nothing more, just enough to get me by. Surely that’s not what I want for myself.

In occupational therapy we make use of a lot of models and theories to try and analyze; understand and hypothesize a client’s acceptance and response to treatment based on their cultures, socioeconomic status, environmental influences, their diagnosis, their roles and their occupations etc. there are brilliant models such as MOHO, PEO and kawa models that are effectively used around the world but OT's. Being exposed to so many models, I’ve come up with a model of my own. Lol well not a theory but it’s a diagram that helps me explain my constant state of mind that tends to influence my competence and confidence when I’m faced with challenges in life.  

The picture above is a diagram that illustrates the model I use to describe the box my mind lives in. in this instance it’s a circle. As you can see in the illustration above there are two circles, a big circle and a small circle. And in the small circle reads, your comfort zone, but as you can see, it’s so small that it has to have an arrow pointing to it because it can’t even fit the words within it. The bigger circle reads, where the magic happens and it’s big enough to have the worlds within the circle. The rest of the picture is a black simple background with nothing on it. from that I understand that, the small circle can be anywhere within the black background, it has the potential to be close, far or just floating around randomly and have no clue of where the magic circle is. So how is this picture relevant to me?

It’s relevant because I consider my mind to be the smaller circle. It’s not the smaller circle because I have a small mind or because I think small, it’s there because it’s comfortable, it has settled and it doesn’t want to move. Now what the eyes see at times can be deceiving, but I promise you I’ve seen better, I’ve been in the mist of better and I’ve experienced better. And better or great is not within the comfort zone. Magic happens where open minds are found. Minds which explore, question and wonder. And no one ever does that comfortably. You have to get up and do because the mind really does work like a parachute; it only functions best when it’s open. So NO, I don’t want to be comfortable. Being comfortable is inches away from being better or great and finding your place where the magic happens.  And that’s where I want to be. I want to be where the magic happens.  My brain thinks of just enough to make it by comfortably, and that’s only because I don’t challenge it enough that it has become comfortable with doing just about enough. It’s content with being average. But I’m not content with that at all. I want more, and like I’ve said; I know better which gives me a chance to do better and I don’t have an excuse of not trying.

So as my 2013 academic year is about to end, I’ve got that one last kick of a dying horse. I’ve have exams coming up. It’s never too late to try and be something better than what you are, I believe that to be true for myself too. Every time, constantly I have to remind myself that I know better, therefore I should do better. I can do better! It’s just hard trying to motivate yourself every time; to be conscious of your inner drive every time you engage in something so that you are able to carry on in the mist of adversity. But I just have to remember  to also try and find inspiration in the things that I see, the experiences I’ve been through, those I haven’t been through and those I wish I don’t have to go through.  I’ve got friends, I’ve got family, I’ve got food, I’ve got shelter, I’ve been given the chance to learn, I can read, and at times I found myself in the space of great minds, I’m exposed to different cultures and  students and world scenes. It’s these many little things I need to use to remind me that I’m at a better opportunity to make something good of myself and that I can’t just be ordinary, and studying a career like OT, I’m already not ordinary (it’s too late to try and fit in, ha-ha). And that’s why then I just have to be the best I can possibly be. There is a bigger picture here, and that’s why it gnaws my mind when I find my thoughts within ordinary bounds. I have to get out.

INSPIRATION

For the past two months I have been doing my psychosocial practices at a site in Durban north known as North Bay lodge. During my time there, my group and I were given a project to identify the occupational barriers of the facility and come up with means of sustainable intervention for the identified barriers.

The actual implementation of our project was this pass Friday the 12/10/2013, it was the climax of the project because what we had been working on for weeks had to be evident on the day. This was the day where everything we’ve worked so hard on needed to come together and culminate into this one giant doable idea. But on the day we were encountering a few problems /“gremlins” (as my supervisor would call it) about our project; that it lead us to kinder doubt what we had planned and if what we have in mind as a collective will be projected as a true reflection of the passion we had when we decided to take on the project.  In the mist of panic, doubt and anxiety that each of us were going through, our supervisor gathered us all and shared a few words of encouragement with us.  She also showed us a little video that reminded us that we are only human and that each happening is for a reason, and therefore whatever comes, may come. But we should rest assured that we did our absolute best. I don’t know about the rest of the girls, but this little clip sure inspired me to face the day and many other days ahead. In my days of self doubt and negativity and days of overwhelming sense of defeat. I’ll have a look at this video and remember the greater purpose of life. It will help me carry on. Apparently I’ll be using it as a resource of encouragement next year when I’m doing my 4^th year of OT pracs (see what I did there? Already looking into the future) ;) Have a look!

I will be sharing more about what the actuall project was all about, but for now just know that friday turned out to be a successful day for my team and I, and i hope eveyone else recieves our project well when we actually present to the rest of the class and other lectures and supervisors from other venues when we present it.

MY lesson on groups,

SING DON’T READ…So wake me up when it’s all over, when I’m wiser and I’m older. All this I was finding myself and I didn’t know I was lost. So wake me up when it’s all over, when I’m wiser and I’m older. All this I was finding myself and I didn’t know I was lost.

Now you can read ;)

These are the chorus lyrics from a song by Avicii ft Aloe Blacc- Wake Me Up, one of my favorite tracks right, now you should check it out. It’s the same track I was rocking out too last Friday night at our OT annual ball. Like the 2013 class of OT4’s would put it. It was AMAZEBALLS!!!!  I’m so glad I went to the ball because if I hadn’t; I would have missed out on a great night filled with lots of love, support and great spirits

I remember having to grasp the idea that at the beginning of 2013; I would be joining a new class and would have to leave the friends I had made from my previous class. The idea of having to leave my friends was more whack than me having to repeat the modules that I had failed. It was the whole thought of having to transition from fitting in or standing out again. Because whether we accept it or not, every individual that steps into a new territory has the innate feelings of wanting to belong and be accepted. And I knew I’d have to go through the same thing with my new class. It was such a huge change for me because the characters from my previous class and my new class were so different. And I thought to myself, what have I done?  How could I have let them get away haha…it was a true realization that I actually hadn’t known what a cool ass class I had belonged to till I had been taken out of it. Well I knew my previous class was cool, but compared to this new class right here; they were off the chains cool, lol. I missed my friends, I missed the laughs, I missed the honesty and sincerity and the characters from that class; all in all I just missed being with them.

8 months down the lineJ, I have a different opinion ofcos; I’m actually really pleased that I only get to share my feelings about this now because now I can safely say I’ve had an experienced of both worlds and what I have to share now is a true reflection of how I really feel.; Whereas at the beginning of the year I probably would have expressed all negatives. My opinion about my previous class hasn’t changed ofcos; they still are a cool ass bunch. But now I’ve got a chance to learn about my new OT crew (and who they are as a group and as individuals) I’ve now gained respect for them;  have stopped comparing them and have found my space. I think they are a dynamic group filled with great minds, and I’ve got love for them tooJ.

I just remembered something that was said by the guest speaker at this year’s research day. She said most professors don’t have social skills because they don’t necessarily care about one individual but they have a set mind of influencing more than one person and so would rather change the whole of humanity. So it’s not necessarily the fact that they don’t care about people and socializing and interacting, it because they care enough that they would rather use the time spent on socializing on changing the world. Now I know most of the time lecturers think that the peeps from my class just care about their marks, TRUE. In the beginning I also got that idea from them because well, it’s all they ever obsessed about, marks! Who did well in this? Who got what for that? Blah blah. Which is a good thing, it’s a good thing because it challenges them and it challenges everyone else to step up their game. But I don’t think that’s who they are, they not a group of individuals studying OT just to get great grades. They just individuals trying to be the best they can possibly be; and the only way they knew how was to do it and to do it alone. By alone I mean that you don’t let anyone know that you’re not coping, don’t ask for help, don’t give help; just mind your own business and get on with it. When I first got to know them, it was like they didn’t know each other, they just kept to themselves and nobody really cared about anyone else really. But I’m glad that has since changed over the months.

And like the guest speaker had said, individual vs. humanity. Maybe this was the biggest difference between the two groups that I’ve come to know and understand. Maybe the only difference is how they each plan to change the world.

The first group of friends that I know just understood the fundamental concept of knowing how to change the whole of humanity by changing the inner circle first, consciously or subconsciously they understood that by helping each other as a group they can qualify to help others out there in the world.  The first group’s strategy is changing the individual who will one day change the world. And the first group just has better social skills; that’s all! Hahahahaha. While the second group just knew to change the world alone, so they forgot the individual person and focused on humanity (perhaps like the professor). That’s what I think. And who’s to tell who will make a better OT one day Huh? I don’t know. But what I do know is; each group could learn a lot from each other